And the Greatest of these is . . . Hope
Have you ever been afraid to hope for something? Afraid to even entertain a possibility because the let down could be great? I have. In the past few years I’ve mastered the art of not hoping. What I’ll do is try for something—whether is be an article, a book, a man—and then once I’ve placed my number in the pot I’ll immediately start telling myself It’s not going to happen. It’s not going to happen. That way when it doesn’t happen I don’t have to deal with being disappointed. And, of course, if it does happen the elation is even greater (or so I tell myself).
I’m in a tough spot right now, and it’s making me think it’s time to change my method. There is a thing I want—really really want! It’s a grant. It is a sum of money that would enable me to take off for an entire year and be nothing but a writer. No part time jobs. No unfulfilling full time jobs. Just me and my novel. The application for this grant was due in early December. I dutifully turned it in. A few weeks later I received a post card saying that my application was received and is complete. This is a big deal because the application was meticulous and many things could have gone wrong. The other option was to receive the post card with the words “Your application has been received but there is a problem, please call us.”
The hard part is over. Whew! Now I wait until June to find out if I am one of the recipients. There are a lot of applicants I’m sure, and the odds are slim. But I can’t help but think the stars will align for me. Reading the eligibility requirements was a small feat in and of itself because I met every single one. I feel so hopeful right now, and I don’t want to turn it off. I’m realizing what an extraordinary emotion hope is. All the possibilities in the world reside inside of you for a period time.
I’m old enough to know that I won’t always get what I want. I’m wise enough to know not to put all of my eggs in this one basket. June is a ways away and I have plenty of other goals to distract me between now and then, but I’m not whispering to myself that it won’t happen. It might happen. It just might! And if it doesn’t then I’ll be disappointed. Disappointment is a small price to pay for diving head first into hope.
The title of this blog is a play on words from the Bible. The verse (from 1 Corinthians 13:13) reads as follows: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I’m certainly not suggesting we change the way that it’s written, but I think we should rotate the importance of the three. Some days love can be the greatest, other days faith, and this day (or this week I should say) hope. Hope is in the air on a personal level for many of us, and it’s certainly abound on the national level. I never thought I’d see a black man become president in my lifetime. What has been hoped for for a long time is coming to fruition. And our new president is about to lead us into the age of hope—hope for the vast improvement of our circumstance. Enjoy tomorrow. Hope away!
January 19th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
When I was in undergrad, I was pretty much in a survival mode. I had the mentality of “pass with a C and graduate asap”. I had to bomb 2 exams before I can get the hang of things. Back then, I just thought, “yeah, I know I’m going to bomb this exam; if I bomb it, no disappointment, but if I pass, then great.” I worked 20+ hours at the media center and at the front desk of a dorm, and crammed as much as I could till 2 am or so every night. Okay, I even snored during a 7 am chemistry exam and I had to have one of my friends wake me up. When I started taking classes part time in grad school, I started to realize how short-sighted my strategy was. Work study brought in a reasonable amount of $ for living expenses and spending money, but I squandered my time away missing out on educational opportunities - like reading. I don’t regret my actions, and I wouldn’t do anything different, because there were plenty of good things that happened as a result of my decisions. You can’t eat the cake and have it too. Once I realized how well I could do in grad school, I started aiming for higher grades (aka larger goals), and the “if I fail, no big deal” mentality faded away - except in the non-academic environment. On the social side of things, I’m still absentminded and don’t even have a leap of faith to take any action. About 2 weeks ago, I was talking with my kickball buddies about how awkward I would feel seeing the same person each week if I were to ask someone out and if it didn’t work out. In response, he said something down the lines of “you can cross her off the list and move on or feel weird seeing that same person each week for not trying.” That’s an interesting observation. Where am I going with all this? I think you’re courageous for taking that first step. It’s synonymous to showing up to practice for swimming, an aerobics class, or even a social function. Like Woody Allen says, “80% of success is showing up,” and you’ve done just that when you applied for the grant. There are plenty of others who may have been interested in applying, but didn’t follow through with the application for one reason or another. You deserve a pat on the back and a spa treatment for getting this far. And hope… yes, it’s such a resonating word in all of us during these difficult times. A new leader with good intentions, humble, and exerting his power wisely and when necessary - I’m confident that his administration will collaborate in a socially responsible manner, so we can live meaningfully and harmoniously. If there is anything I can contribute to reach closer to that goal, I want to be a catalyst of initiatives which may enable others to lead better lives. In the meantime, I’ll pray that you may be a recipient of this grant. Best wishes, and thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts through this lovely blog.
January 19th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
“hope” is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
and sings the tune without
the words
and never stops at all
emily…
i’ve some big stuff i’m hoping for this year too.
here’s to HOPE!
January 20th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I look forward to reading your novel. I’m hopeful (and sure) that with or without this grant, your novel will be born and see the light of day.