Since the early days of my letter-writing service, I’ve noticed a pattern. Whatever type of letter request I receive, it’s usually followed by a very similar request. For example, when the DailyCandy write-up came out, I received an onslaught of letter requests all from women wanting to write loves letters to their husbands for Christmas (so encouraging and cute). Although that’s the only period in the history of this Web site when I had an onslaught of requests (meaning 30 letter requests everyday for a week!), the pattern continued. Someone would come in and want a birthday toast written and shortly thereafter someone else would also want a toast. I had two women come to me within a week of each other wanting a series of thank you notes written. Requests come in pairs. Two people—who have nothing to do with each other—wanting the same type of letter. Something is in the air.

The most recent two-type phenomena came from two men—both apologizing profusely to their significant other. One had been caught lying to his wife and the other had been emotionally neglectful of his girlfriend. Of course there are many more details that I won’t share for privacy’s sake, but you get the idea. I am fascinated for a few reasons:

1. The phenomena itself: I haven’t had any letter requests for a while and then two of the exact same nature come at me. It never ceases to amaze me.

2. The fear of being left alone: Both men are on the verge of breaking down at the possibility of losing their love. They are apologizing as if their lives depend on it. Now it’s true both of them can be held accountable as they have done many things wrong. (Neither man is in denial about this, and both are willing to admit it on the page.) It makes me wonder how much of that initial fear is not really fear of losing the girl but rather fear of being left alone. I don’t know the answer to this, and I’m not making any judgments. I’m just throwing the rhetorical question out there. Often times when people go into a total panic over a break-up—depending on the circumstance of course—I see it as more of a not wanting to deal with life alone rather than a pure need for the other person. In a relationship you get used to having someone to consult on every decision you make and there’s always someone around to verify your self worth. Their presence alone tells you I’m worthy of being loved. Of course we’re all worthy of being loved whether we’re in a relationship or not, but that’s hard to believe at certain down points in life. When the validation of a significant other is taken away suddenly, is it the heart or the ego that suffers more?

3. My role in the drama: If I were friends with either of these women, my advice would probably be to walk away and never look back. But I am not friends with anyone here. I am the letter writer. I must stay neutral and do everything in my power to express the intimate thoughts of the one requesting the letter. After the transaction had taken place with one of the gentlemen, I wished him well and told him that I hope everything works out for him. He replied with, “Even if it doesn’t, the letter actually helped ME!” That was an insightful comment. Reminded me (even I need reminding on occasion) of the many purposes of letter writing.

*To clarify: The title of this blog implies that only men do things wrong in relationships, and we all know that’s not true. I referred to “boys being boys” simply because I’m dealing with boys in this case. Girls, too, have been known to be girls.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 at 10:58 am and is filed under Letter Issues, Random Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.