Samara O'Shea

Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

Friday, January 20th, 2017

I’m taking a certification class in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Recently, our instructor mentioned a poem entitled “Autobiography In Five Short Chapters.” She says it’s something she shares with clients on occasion to help them take responsibility for their actions and to emphasize that change is gradual. She didn’t bring the poem up on screen, so I made a note to look it up later. I’m so glad I did. I think we can all identify!

This poem has been known to resonate with people in recovery from substance use problems. I also think it’s tailor made for the unrequited love population. How I wish I had known of this poem when I wrote Loves Me..Not!

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson

To Trust or Not to Trust

Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

I meant to post this during the hubbub of the holidays but didn’t have a chance. A friend of mine is writing a book on love and forgiveness. At the end of 2016, he interviewed one person per day for 33 days to promote a Kickstarter campaign. At one point he interview me and we discussed the fine art of self-trust:

#ThrowbackThursday – Brad and Angie Version

Thursday, September 22nd, 2016

Throwback to September 2014 when I feared marriage would ruin the Jolie-Pitt relationship.

Elle Australia

Wednesday, August 24th, 2016

I was interviewed for the August issue of Elle Australia. The article (on obsessive love) begins on page 80.

Risky Business

Wednesday, May 18th, 2016

The most recent question for my advice column is…

Dear Samara,

I am a 28 year old and I work in a large commercial real estate firm in New York City. I have a dream job and am getting paid very well. There is guy at work that I am very attracted to and if I am reading the signs correctly, he likes me, too. Our flirting is exciting and I can hardly wait to see him every day. I know this sounds like high school, but my fear is that we will start dating, have a great romance and if it doesn’t work out or even if it does work out, how is it going to affect our jobs? I don’t think dating someone from my workplace is a great idea, but I don’t want to pass by the opportunity of dating someone this fabulous. Any ideas?

Maggie

What says you about workplace romance? Is it worth the risk?

Should You Date Someone You Know You’ll Never Be Serious With?

Wednesday, March 30th, 2016

Dear Samara,

I recently started dating a guy that I like. I mean, I like him. But he REALLY likes me. He wants to move in with me. How do I date him knowing I will never be that serious, at least for now? I am still trying to figure ME out.

Halfhearted

Click here to read my thoughts on the matter.