Samara O'Shea

Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

If I Could Turn Back Time

Sunday, November 25th, 2018

If I had it all to do over again (and by all I mean launch LetterLover), I would have included a newsletter. When I first started this site in 2005, I offered Letter of the Week as a way to keep audiences coming back for more. It didn’t work very well, and I’m not even sure I updated it that often. Certainly not weekly as the name would suggest. Shame on me! In time came social media as a way to continually engage an audience, and updating a website regularly seemed unnecessary. Again, in time, social media changed (please see previous blog about my breakup with FB and Twitter) and I find writers with newsletters are in the best position to reach their audience. (more…)

The Surprisingly Simple Self-Esteem Booster

Sunday, April 15th, 2018

After reading The 5 Love Languages earlier this year, I took the Discover Your Love Language quiz. As a result, I receive emails from the website. I kept meaning to unsubscribe from said emails until I saw this one about apologizing. It’s spot on! Our 45th President could use this advice. Sharpen those apology letter pencils!

“Did you know that low self-esteem can make it difficult to apologize? When we aren’t confident in who we are, an apology seems like a sign of weakness. But the truth is, people with high self-esteem more readily apologize, and apologizing can actually enhance your self-esteem. People generally respect a person more who is willing to take responsibility for his/her own failures. As people begin to respect and admire you more and more, then you start to feel better about yourself.

On the other hand, those who try to hide or excuse wrong behavior will almost always lose the respect and affirmation of others. A sincere apology is always a sign of maturity, not a sign of weakness. Apology opens the door to forgiveness. And forgiveness means that we can continue to grow in our relationship. It’s never too late to learn to apologize.”

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

Friday, January 20th, 2017

I’m taking a certification class in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Recently, our instructor mentioned a poem entitled “Autobiography In Five Short Chapters.” She says it’s something she shares with clients on occasion to help them take responsibility for their actions and to emphasize that change is gradual. She didn’t bring the poem up on screen, so I made a note to look it up later. I’m so glad I did. I think we can all identify!

This poem has been known to resonate with people in recovery from substance use problems. I also think it’s tailor made for the unrequited love population. How I wish I had known of this poem when I wrote Loves Me..Not!

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson

To Trust or Not to Trust

Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

I meant to post this during the hubbub of the holidays but didn’t have a chance. A friend of mine is writing a book on love and forgiveness. At the end of 2016, he interviewed one person per day for 33 days to promote a Kickstarter campaign. At one point he interview me and we discussed the fine art of self-trust:

#ThrowbackThursday – Brad and Angie Version

Thursday, September 22nd, 2016

Throwback to September 2014 when I feared marriage would ruin the Jolie-Pitt relationship.

Elle Australia

Wednesday, August 24th, 2016

I was interviewed for the August issue of Elle Australia. The article (on obsessive love) begins on page 80.

Risky Business

Wednesday, May 18th, 2016

The most recent question for my advice column is…

Dear Samara,

I am a 28 year old and I work in a large commercial real estate firm in New York City. I have a dream job and am getting paid very well. There is guy at work that I am very attracted to and if I am reading the signs correctly, he likes me, too. Our flirting is exciting and I can hardly wait to see him every day. I know this sounds like high school, but my fear is that we will start dating, have a great romance and if it doesn’t work out or even if it does work out, how is it going to affect our jobs? I don’t think dating someone from my workplace is a great idea, but I don’t want to pass by the opportunity of dating someone this fabulous. Any ideas?

Maggie

What says you about workplace romance? Is it worth the risk?